Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   A deal has been struck to allow evolution to continue to be taught in public schools, as long as Dinosaurs are refered to as Jesus Horse's.

   Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don't want to see flying at my face.

   So...I met this really nice girl at closing time last night. Granted, she's missing both her front teeth but Christmas is coming, right?!? I think it can work...

   In order to refrain from spending too much on Christmas, I'm voluntarily placing myself in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

   I am thankful for the hide feature on FB.

   How come some people always think they have to have the last text?

   Furnace quit working and I woke up to a house that was 59 degrees. For a minute there, I thought I was married again:)

   The bell ringers are out in full force already. I really don't mind and know it's for a good cause. I just hate the fact that it feels like I'm paying a "cover charge" to go into Walmart.

   As much as your kids are at my house, you should pay me child support.

   You know....spooning leads to forking right?

   So....she said I was as smooth as Ken. That's a good thing, right?!?

   I prefer the button fly. That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth.

   Yeah....Hi, I'm watching your commercial cash for gold and you just showed a woman selling her wedding ring for $500. No, I don't want to sell gold, I want to meet her. She's hot and we know her marriage isn't working

   Dad...I forgot to brush my teeth before school. That's okay...here's a piece of gum:)

   Ladies, my lost and found box is getting full. So, if you're missing an earring, silk scarves, lingerie or a prosthetic leg....let me know.

   Ok who was the moron that came up with idea of the kiddie shopping carts shaped like animals,trains, race, cars or whatever! Parents do you really need to push your kids around the store in in a shopping cart bigger then the car you came to the store in!

   Great taco from Taco bell today......with the spoon of meat and all the lettuce I was not sure if it was for eating or smoking!

   This is what I spent all those years learning my ABDs for?

   Women should have three breasts - two in front and one in the back for dancing.

   For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O Donnell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O Donnell.