GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   What a lucky week! First I win the lottery, and then some relatives I'd lost contact with got in touch.

   Most people want a perfect relationship. I just want a hamburger that looks like the one on the menu.

   What do I like most about my job? Payday, breaks and leaving.

   Welcome to social media! A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

   If I block you on social media and you see me in public, the block still applies in real life.

   Jim Morrison was right. People are strange.

   Just once in my life, I'd actually like to see a liar's pants catch on fire.

   Whoever came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has clearly never been to Walmart during the day.

   Ever spent money so quickly that you felt like somebody stole it?

   I like to make lists. I also like to leave them on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while I'm in the store.

   Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!

   So you unfollowed me on Facebook. You sure showed me.

   Memorizing pot hole locations is a must where I'm from.

   People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.

   Marriage tip: When your wife asks what's on TV, do not say dust.

   I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do... It's because I missed my exit.

   Not to brag, but I was alive when you could SLAM the phone down to hang up on someone. It was spectacular!

   Around this time in 2020 we couldn't find toilet paper. Now we can't afford it.

   I can't dance to save my life, but when I step in dog crap, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

   My body knows how old I am, but my mind refuses to believe it.