Eddy Funny Status Messages

   those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope

   since twitter doubled the length of tweets, does that mean now I double the name? I'm gonna go post a tweet tweet

   this is a good time to buy the Halloween candy. it makes great stocking stuffers

   I wonder if Harvey Weinstein & Bill Cosby sit around swapping stories

   Lasik surgery is at least $500 to just fix an eye....on wheel of fortune I can buy the I for half that price

   leave it to Hugh Hefner to die on hump day

   It looks like everyone wants Jon Snow to play NFL...he wont bend a knee

   I thought Hurricane Harvey was the miss Universe thing

   With the way humanity follows directions, I look for a lot of people to need a seeing eye dog soon

   with all these statues getting removed, I'm worried now about asking "the general" about car insurance

   everyone is making a big deal about seeing an eclipse...haven't they sat down in a movie theater before?

   I'm sure the white house has leaks....it's an old building

   If your Tupperware has "nutrition facts" on the side of the container, you might be a redneck

   when you drop your iphone, remember that's gravity that makes the apple fall

   If I was out there on a boat or scuba diving, It'd be "shart week" for me

   forget senior discounts..Oj can get free stuff just buy saying something like "I'd kill to have some coffee right now"

   we shoot off Chinese fireworks to celebrate our freedom from the British

   people either say i'm "pretty funny" or "pretty smart" but they always forget the word "and"

   DUI of the Tiger

   rubix cube: the original fidget toy