DYLAN BOSCH Funny Status Messages

   when you get pulled over for a D.U.I quickly pull off the lable off of the beer and stick it on ur forehead and tell the officer you havn't been drinking ur on the patch!"

   just wanted to let everybody know that she is Okay! I know it scared me on the radio when I first heard the rumors, But I Called her and she is fine.. My Grandma did not get run over by a Reindeer!"

   The first Monday night game in Detroit in almost 10 years and the Lions aren't even playing in it!"

   if Winter was alive, I would hunt it down and kill it..."

   is it just me, or are 80% of the faces in the "people you may know feature" on Facebook, people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   if I sneeze and you're sitting next to me, it is acceptable to bless me. If I sneeze and you're 50 feet across the room from me, no need to shout at me unless you're the pope."

   ‎I don't remember anything from last night. Somebody must've put something in my drink". Yeah. If this was a game of Clue I'd have to go with "the bartender, In the club, with the vodka."

   Nothing's more satisfying than when "the one that got away" turns into "whew, dodged that bullet."

   It's tough to judge nonverbal cues from someone with an eyepatch. Did that pirate just wink at me or are they blinking?"

   Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus."

   Don't you hate it when people start a whole conversation off you're status? C'mon guys, get a WALL!"

   I feel sorry for people who don't drink; when they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

   Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser!

   I have ADHD. It's like ADD except the picture quality is phenomenal."

   I just received a letter from my bank that said I am approved for a loan and a line of credit. Somebody, somewhere, made a huge mistake."

   says This Christmas, let's put misteltoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our..."

   you know you've been going to alot of bars lately when you walk into a local McDonald's to buy a burger and accidently hand the guy at the register you're I.D."

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the Christmas period!"

   may not be the real Santa, but that doesn't mean I haven't seen you while you're sleeping."

   putting on his mistletoe belt buckle!" .