Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Michael Brown's Mother is set to speak at the DNC tonight. Now I wasn't going to watch anymore of this crap, but I don't think that I'll be able to look away from this inevitable train wreck.

   "your mother" is my response whenever someone talks to me in a language I dont understand.

   Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?

   It's like Canada is the concerned child watching her aging mother (Britain) and weirdo big brother (United States) descend into chaos in 2016, unsure who to worry over first.

   I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.

   .... The poor mother was only trying to give her son a chance at a better life ..... Then zookeepers shot his new adoptive parent.

   ........ Yup ...... I too was once a male trapped in a female body ...... But then my mother gave birth ......

   Crap, I accidentally said Happy Mother's Day to my mother in person instead of writing a paragraph on social media. I feel like such a tool

   I wanted to serve my wife breakfast in bed but she wouldn't cooperate. By the time I got her tied up so she couldn't get out I had to feed her myself. It got a bit messy, but happy mother's day anyway

   Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

   All Mom's gave birth to a child, except mine she gave birth to a legend!!! **High fives my Mom on Mother's Day**

   Good thing my mom's not on Facebook otherwise you would have to read some sappy Happy Mother's Day post from me.

   My mother talks into the phone like a combat soldier calling in air support. Happy Mother's Day!!!

   Nipples...Mother Nature's thermometer.

   Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.

   Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.

   Bernie Sanders got so excited about the hashtag #BoobsForBernie, it's actually a photo of a breastfeeding mother at one of his rallies. Not a Girls Gone Wild Spring Break edition video.

   am I the only person watching Fuller House waiting for Bob Saget to tell the daughters how he met their mother?

   My Guardian Angel be like "I'm gonna lose my job and end up in hell with this mother f*cker..."

   Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we should respect her.