Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 596 of 6382
What if I told you everyone you know on social networking websites is me.
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04-08-2019 21:38
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Ah, yes...what lovely blouse shall I stain with food today?
I've started investing in stocks. Beef, Chicken, and Vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
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04-08-2019 12:51
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Make a decision; right or wrong. The roads are paved with squirrels that couldn't make up their minds.
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04-08-2019 06:50
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My underwear is so old, that my tighty whities are no longer tight or white.
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04-07-2019 23:13
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a good feeling: to wake up in the morning and realizing you have 5 more hours to sleep.
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04-07-2019 22:19
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I don't care about a politician's tax returns. I want to see their IQ test results.
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04-07-2019 20:34
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I once survived a bear attack with nothing but a knife. I stabbed my buddy in the leg and took off running...
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04-06-2019 15:59
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A small town lawyer will go broke but 2 small town lawyers will both get rich...
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04-06-2019 13:06
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Which essential oil should I put in my butt?
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04-06-2019 10:34
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It’s like no one is talking about how Game of Thrones fans are due for a world of hurt very soon
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04-06-2019 10:26
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If you care more about what others think about you than what you think about you, you're doing it wrong...
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04-06-2019 10:09
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If I ever choke to death on gummy bears, can we just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that?
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04-06-2019 07:59
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Never put all your eggs in one basket.....unless they're chocolate.....and it's my basket
Some girls don't like to walk in the rain because it puts their face back to the default factory settings...
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04-06-2019 06:51 by xx-foxy
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Going to the Guns 'n Roses concert tonight. I hope the noise doesn't give me cancer tonight.
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04-05-2019 17:28
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When Luke Skywalker yells "Get to the walker now!" it has a whole new meaning.
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04-05-2019 10:49
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I bought a pair of underwear today. In the front it says ‘I would do anything for love’. In the back, ‘But I won’t do that’.
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04-05-2019 08:58
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writing, "He owed me $50" in the funeral guest book wrong?
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04-05-2019 08:56
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I've spent the better part of my marriage battling to get these two strings inside my wife's shirt to actually stay on this hanger
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04-05-2019 08:55
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