Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 593 of 6382
Thanks for bringing back a lot of classic diseases, anti-vaxxers!
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05-03-2019 11:18
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RIP Chewbacca aka Peter Mayhew. I’d like to say a few words if I may. RAAARAWWARARWAAAR.
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05-02-2019 19:50 by Cicci
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"I'm more night hamster than owl," I say, pushing another wad of food into my cheek pouch at 2:00am.
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05-02-2019 10:45
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My wife likes it doggie style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.
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05-01-2019 14:14
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If I owned a company, I'd make my stock symbol WTF just so I could hear the TV guys say WTF all day...
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05-01-2019 10:54
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The government is not paying scientist to come up with fake scientific information for the fun of it. They don't want to misinform the world just because it's funny to do.
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04-30-2019 16:45
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I don't understand people who say the moon landings were fake? I mean what did the government spend the 24 billion dollars on? To pay hundreds of thousands of people working on the Apollo program to sit around and play checkers?
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04-30-2019 15:20 by Moon
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When it's all said and done, the world in Endgames was saved by a rat.
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04-29-2019 12:11
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So I'm at a bar last night and I see this woman sitting alone. I move in and offer to buy her a drink. She says "Don't waste your time on me. I'm a lesbian." Quick to recover I asked, "Really? So tell me. How are things in Beirut?"
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04-29-2019 08:28
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Big misunderstanding: I wish someone had told me ahead of time that I wasn’t required to disrobe at a “Gender Reveal Party”.
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04-29-2019 07:21
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Breaking News: Federal authorities rule you can't be prescribed medical marijuana if your taking laxitives, Apparently you need to $h*t or get off the pot...
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04-28-2019 00:43 by SEAN
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When you like somebody but they want to fix you up with their friend. That's kind of like when you ask for a Coke and the waiter says "Is Pepsi OK?"
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04-27-2019 08:44
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It's so adorable how badgers and foxes take little naps at the side of the road all the time!
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04-26-2019 12:31 by Truman
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Build the swamp! Drain her up! Lock the wall!
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04-25-2019 19:22
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I need a meeting with Zuckerberg cause I don't get enough "likes"
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04-25-2019 18:44 by Eddy
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I always knew that one day I'd end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn't expect everyone to keep on bowling
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04-25-2019 16:23
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When my dog hears another dog down the street, he always looks at me like I had something to do with it.
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04-25-2019 05:52
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A pregnant lady, except it's me smuggling king sized candy into the movies for 6 kids and saving $278.
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04-25-2019 05:51
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I think sometimes we as humans ask too much of spandex.
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04-25-2019 05:50
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transparent- noun, when your child is transgender, you are their transparent
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04-24-2019 17:43 by Eddy
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