Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 592 of 6446

Getting away with an expired coupon like, yes, I am a con artist.
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10-05-2019 17:42
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If you’re having money problems, don’t get discouraged. Two years ago I filed for bankruptcy and now I live in a tent in my uncle’s backyard
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10-05-2019 17:42
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Surprise her for breakfast by wearing nothing but a giant pancake. Not all heroes wear crepes.
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10-05-2019 12:13
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Being a hermit crab is hard because every time you’re naked you’re also homeless and that’s literally the worst time to be naked
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10-05-2019 12:12
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When you donate sperm they ask if you have any “sociopathic tendencies”. I was like “other than creating people for money? ..No.”
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10-05-2019 12:12
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[costume party] friend: you're late me, dressed as a sloth: sorry
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10-05-2019 12:11
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Some people say they don’t know what to do with their hands in pictures. I still haven’t figured out what to do with my face.
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10-05-2019 12:11
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The best way to open a stubborn jar is to take a deep breath and recite an ancient Wiccan incantation.
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10-05-2019 12:10
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Me: *Eating eggs* Fertility Doctor: That's disgusting
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10-05-2019 12:10
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One of the most unforgivable sins is spilling your coffee because you're texting while driving.
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10-05-2019 12:09
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concierge: the lift is broken sir I think your friend has taken the stairs me: when's he bringing them back?
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10-05-2019 12:09
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keep up the good jokes. whoever you are. don't listen to that man behind the curtain
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10-05-2019 08:02
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The guy who keeps flooding the page with jokes has some really corny and unfunny jokes.
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10-04-2019 22:00
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Billy Joel's Friend: bill I hate that we've kept this from you, but.. we started the fire Billy Joel: and you just LET me write that song?
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10-04-2019 16:19
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I know words. I have the best words. I just don't know how to spell them.
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10-04-2019 15:22 by DJT
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Those who ignore my posts... may your crush fall in love with your best friend
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10-04-2019 12:35
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I may have done quite a number of bad things in my life... But never tagged 49 people just to get 9 likes
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10-04-2019 12:34
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Being in a long distance relationship is like saying, "I have an iPhone, but it's in USA"
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10-04-2019 12:34
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Gf: You've never even smiled at me since we started dating! Bf: I thought you said you wanted a serious relationship...
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10-04-2019 12:34
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Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you cant laugh at yourself, call me...i'll laugh at you..!!!
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10-04-2019 12:33
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