Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 592 of 6446

   messageicon Getting away with an expired coupon like, yes, I am a con artist.
←Rate | 10-05-2019 17:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re having money problems, don’t get discouraged. Two years ago I filed for bankruptcy and now I live in a tent in my uncle’s backyard
←Rate | 10-05-2019 17:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Surprise her for breakfast by wearing nothing but a giant pancake. Not all heroes wear crepes.
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a hermit crab is hard because every time you’re naked you’re also homeless and that’s literally the worst time to be naked
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you donate sperm they ask if you have any “sociopathic tendencies”. I was like “other than creating people for money? ..No.”
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [costume party] friend: you're late me, dressed as a sloth: sorry
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people say they don’t know what to do with their hands in pictures. I still haven’t figured out what to do with my face.
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to open a stubborn jar is to take a deep breath and recite an ancient Wiccan incantation.
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: *Eating eggs* Fertility Doctor: That's disgusting
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the most unforgivable sins is spilling your coffee because you're texting while driving.
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon concierge: the lift is broken sir I think your friend has taken the stairs me: when's he bringing them back?
←Rate | 10-05-2019 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon keep up the good jokes. whoever you are. don't listen to that man behind the curtain
←Rate | 10-05-2019 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy who keeps flooding the page with jokes has some really corny and unfunny jokes.
←Rate | 10-04-2019 22:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Billy Joel's Friend: bill I hate that we've kept this from you, but.. we started the fire Billy Joel: and you just LET me write that song?
←Rate | 10-04-2019 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know words. I have the best words. I just don't know how to spell them.
←Rate | 10-04-2019 15:22 by DJT Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those who ignore my posts... may your crush fall in love with your best friend
←Rate | 10-04-2019 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may have done quite a number of bad things in my life... But never tagged 49 people just to get 9 likes
←Rate | 10-04-2019 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being in a long distance relationship is like saying, "I have an iPhone, but it's in USA"
←Rate | 10-04-2019 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gf: You've never even smiled at me since we started dating! Bf: I thought you said you wanted a serious relationship...
←Rate | 10-04-2019 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you cant laugh at yourself, call me...i'll laugh at you..!!!
←Rate | 10-04-2019 12:33 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left