Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 586 of 6382
I finally finished reading “Great Expectations “ . It wasn’t all I hoped for.
←Rate |
06-06-2019 20:33 by Cicci
Comments (0)
I'm no good at push ups, or pull ups or sit ups...I'm pretty good at f**k ups though.
Alcohol is the lube I use to slide through life.
The true definition of patriotism: check out the canadians singing their nation anthem when the NBA finals is played in Canada.
←Rate |
06-06-2019 13:15
Comments (0)
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance. Yeah, well we'll see about that.
←Rate |
06-06-2019 07:34
Comments (0)
I asked "Alexa, what do women want" This thing havent shut up for three days now
←Rate |
06-05-2019 10:25 by Jitneyman
Comments (0)
When you sit on the toilet you connect your butt hole to a city wide network of other connected butt holes
←Rate |
06-05-2019 00:37
Comments (0)
Of course I'm am an organ donor. Who wouldn't want a piece of this!?
←Rate |
06-04-2019 17:06 by Gabe
Comments (0)
Anyone know where I can find a Facebookers Anonymous meeting? Asking for a friend.
←Rate |
06-04-2019 10:26
Comments (0)
The biggest problem with eating healthy is that I don’t wanna do that.
←Rate |
06-04-2019 09:27 by SEAN
Comments (0)
Went on a date a year ago with an atheist vegan libertarian anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist who vapes and does CrossFit. I snuck out the bathroom window 45 minutes in, but legend has it that she's still telling me about herself....
←Rate |
06-04-2019 09:25 by SEAN
Comments (0)
I went to visit a psychic. I knocked on the door and she yelled "who is it?" So I left.
←Rate |
06-04-2019 09:14
Comments (0)
I'm sorry to say, but all the Canadians in the game 2 basketball finals out-patriot us big time. I'm hanging my head in shame.
←Rate |
06-03-2019 20:01
Comments (0)
If life gives you melons .. men will do pretty much anything you want them to.
←Rate |
06-03-2019 20:01
Comments (0)
Thanks to Facebook birthday reminders I know who to unfriend after thinking who the heck is this person?
←Rate |
06-03-2019 11:50 by Moon
Comments (0)
People tell me to Get a Grip, then they get all pissed off when I put my hands around their neck.
←Rate |
06-03-2019 03:48
Comments (1)
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name. I couldn't eat another bite." ...said no hungry man ever.
←Rate |
06-02-2019 17:19
Comments (0)
If you've broken the eggs, you should make the omelette
←Rate |
06-02-2019 16:02
Comments (0)
Ex: I still love you.
Me: “I’m gonna call you back, my damn fish is drowning”
←Rate |
06-02-2019 11:36 by Raven
Comments (0)
Going back to your ex is like reheating McDonald’s fries
←Rate |
06-02-2019 10:34 by X
Comments (0)