Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The only time a classic old VW doesn’t leak is when it has run out of oil.
←Rate | 10-19-2019 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If youre going to give your kid a name like hes an 80s action hero, then make sure he goes outside every once and a while. Cause "Maverick" looks like the only exercise he gets it walking to the fridge and back to the Playstation.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 18:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump to Queen Elizabeth: "You did a great job on Bohemian Rhapsody! Great song."
←Rate | 10-18-2019 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they're back
←Rate | 10-18-2019 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe Millennials aren't having children because we lived through the nightmare of raising Tamagotchis. :/
←Rate | 10-18-2019 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same
←Rate | 10-18-2019 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend zoned your wife again
←Rate | 10-17-2019 23:08 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s normal for married couples to fight. The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 17:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon White House admits quid pro quo. This is getting a lot interesting now.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 16:54 Comments (1)  


   messageicon All I need is to hear those 3 special words “Want a sandwich?”
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Sorry for the late response” is my email signature
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't see any clouds today so where is your data really stored?
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun fact: Bruce Lee does not drink water. Instead, he drinks WATAA!
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A sculptor built a 5280 foot statue of Mick Jagger for his 50th birthday. That's a huge mile Stone.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I went to see my uncle in hospital the nurse was rubbing vaseline on his back He went down hill very quickly afterwards
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Broke up with my gingerbread girlfriend. She was nice, but she got too kneady.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not only is it dangerous you'll look like a complete idiot if you text and drive, as that's how typos happen.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Co-worker: What's the difference between astronomy & astrology? Me: Approximately 50-60 IQ points.
←Rate | 10-16-2019 18:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm really good in bed" -Ice cream
←Rate | 10-16-2019 18:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, we tip the pizza delivery guy, but not ambulance drivers.
←Rate | 10-16-2019 18:04 Comments (1)  




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