Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 584 of 6382
Just because you lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I still want to see you eat, just not at my table.
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06-17-2019 16:53
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When I was a kid, selfies used to be called narcissism.
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06-17-2019 11:06 by Moon
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I’ve done some terrible things for money...... Like getting up early to go to work.
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06-17-2019 09:21
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I remember when I used to get nostalgic. Those were the days...
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06-16-2019 15:12
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Like this status if you're the type of person who likes to carry all your groceries into your house in one trip, but then realize at the front door you have so many bags in your hands you can't get the keys out of pocket.
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06-16-2019 14:59 by Moon
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Besides my good looks, honesty, charm, witty personality and my incredible sense of humor I have to say that my greatest characteristic is my modesty.
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06-16-2019 14:29 by Moon
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Live music can sometimes take me to another place. Like today for example I saw a band who were so bad I left I went to another place.
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06-15-2019 15:07 by Moon
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Live music can sometimes take me to another place. Like today for example I saw a band who were so bad I left I went to another place spirit.
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06-15-2019 14:13 by Moon
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I don't want to live anymore I'm going on vacation to Santo Domingo
it OK to cut in front of someone wearing all Camouflage?
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06-14-2019 18:21 by Joker
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Just once in my life I'd like to finish a project as easily as they make it seem in the how to YouTube videos.
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06-14-2019 11:49 by Moon
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Me no study, me no care, me go marry a millionaire. If he die, me no cry, me go marry another rich guy.
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06-14-2019 08:58
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There's a prince of whales? I hope he doesn't venture into Japanese waters.
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06-13-2019 17:47
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If you gets a link called 'free porn' don't open it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelchek and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Lil
Word of advice guys. When a girl says "Awe thanks, that's so sweet of you" take a hint as what she's really trying to say is "Back to the friendzone with you!"
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06-13-2019 11:36 by Moon
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Congrats on your recent weight loss! Now if only you could cardio your way to a better face
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06-13-2019 10:02 by PongLenis
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Sorry this card’s a bit late, but I guess you used to think you showed up a bit late... like bad decisions and condoms. Congrats on your new baby!
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06-13-2019 10:00 by PongLenis
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Vegetarians don't eat meat but they want their food to look like meat. Got it.
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06-12-2019 16:26
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Two touchdowns for the US Women's team...too bad they missed that second extra point
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06-12-2019 15:08
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I'm the kind of egomaniac who would walk out of an Olive Garden, bragging that I negotiated endless breadsticks into the price of the meal.
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06-11-2019 16:28
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