Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Volunteering in times of crisis is good. I just called the local strip club to call me immediately if they lose power. I'm ready to help out.

   Why is it that a woman can get a tattoo of a naked fairy sitting on a half moon and its sexy, but when a guy gets a naked wizard making love to a dragon its creepy?

   Turns out, no matter how many Oreos you can fit into your mouth at one time, this doesn't need to come up in a job interview.

   A surprise party is a great way to show your woman how awesome you are at lying to her face

   Google refuses to give churches the same discounts as other non-profits. Apparently they believe in the separation of church and search

   If your azz is as wide as an ax handle, you shouldn't be allowed to use "LMAO"

   Imagine a guy trying to run upstairs while wearing roller blades. That's my life

   I'll usually hug people when it's obvious they only want to shake hands

   I'm holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team

   Everything I need to know about whether or not cops are allowed to search my car I learned from Jay-Z songs

   Saw a black velvet Kenny Rogers painting today. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.

   Dear Lord, please give me the strength to forgive those who put LOL in their status updates

   Well, I guess these tequila shots aren't going to regret themselves

   While Prince may have found his mother demanding. Maybe she just didn't want to see him wear a frilly purple suit everyday

   I think at this point, the Beastie Boys are more concerned about Medicare coverage. Than the right to party

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast

   Its not a typo if you don't know how to spell the word.

   If I ever end up missing, please put my picture on a bottle of whiskey and not a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   A fun thing to do at public restrooms is to wait until someone leaves, click a stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.

   Just saw a guy driving a beat up car with a bumper sticker that said "My other car is a Porsche ." Why isn't he driving that other car then?