Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   has a perfect body, but it's in the trunk and starting to smell

   I'm having a Deja vu of Christmas posts

   Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur.

   standing under the mistletoe but would rather be under the cameltoe!

   Dropping the fish I had for lunch off at the pond

   wonders if there's an alternative to mistletoe. one that allows punching.

   has to go pee. and soon, or it's gonna be a BP

   Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.

   supports the whole Movember concept but thinks it should be changed to Manuary

   Apparently 2010 is not the year for Miners.....

   Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is just an oncoming train.

   yes I am crazy...whats your excuse? :)

   I'm not being weird. I'm being me. There's a difference. A small one, but still a difference

   If you smell cheese and see pizza ur hungry. If you smell cheese and see feet ur disgusted. Now make up ur mind will ya! Either you like the smell of cheese or not.

   If the best part of waking up is Folgers in my cup, I don't think I wanna wake up.

   Good morning. Are you having TSA fantasies?

   I hope every school yard bully finds the kid from the Toyota Highlander commercials and mercilessly beat him.

   thinking we need to change the term "Big Brother" to "Creepy Uncle."

   Anyone who says onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.

   is hoping for some Salem style mayhem before having to sit through another Harry Potter snorefest.....Gandalf still owes me 8 bucks for the last one.