Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They say that 40 is the new 30 - try telling that to a speed camera!

   Black Friday? That's ones of those Ice Cube movies right?

   now that you spent all your money on Black Friday Now what?

   Il take a bullet for you! But not in the head, like in the leg or something

   "Hello, pain. I realize we have business, you and I, but don't get comfortable, because you're not staying."

   When I grow up, I wanna be those guys that wipe the sweat off the basketball courts

   can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook...

   I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong.

   When your dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part.

   Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

   You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day

   definitely prefers to be the gobblee than the gobbler... I'm stuffed.

   looking for my SHAKE-WEIGHT, so I can work off all this FOOD!!!

   thankful for everyone celebrating Thanksgiving...to only true American Christian holiday. God bless you all!

   enjoys seeing white guys with Chinese girlfriends, because he knows they're saving big bucks on massages.

   having a "foodgasm".

   Deja F*** U! to the guy who keeps posting those things.

   just woke from a 2.5 hour tryptophan-induced coma.

   expecting life to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you're a vegetarian.

   has finish with the Wild Turkey on the rocks for lunch, and moved on to Grey Goose straight up for Thanksgiving Dinner. this is just Fowl