Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just learned that to burn off the calories from 1 M&M you have to walk the length of a football field. BRB I have to run to China.

   Any one can stay true to your face, it's the people who stay true behind your back that really count.

   "I'll give you a TKO from Tokyo!" ~ Piston Honda

   I'll take the high road but only after taking a little joy ride on the low road to leave tread marks behind.

   feels like an Atari 2600 in a Playstation 3 world.

   How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face! Duh!

   It's hard to maintain good eye contact with a cute pedestrian once she slips beneath your wheel.

   Today is the last day of fall. Raking leaves through this snow was a real pain today.

   says "Water Under the Bridge should stay under the Bridge!"

   Just once I would like to begin my Christmas shopping before December 24th

   Jack Frost nipped my nose, so I hit him in the snowballs!

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.

   "When they're not fighting or racing light cycles, I'll bet the citizens of TRON spend a lot of time on the phone with tech support" -Conan OBrien

   Got caught with a beer while driving... Who would have thought they would pull over a schoolbus.

   i'm not a back buner meal for no one,, i'm the main course or you don't eat...

   Dear Santa, Don't listen to any of my Facebook friends. I have been a perfect angel, I swear.

   looking forward to the Lunar Eclipse tonight. I considered having a viewing party and inviting all the witches I know. But then I realized having all my ex's in the same location is probably not a good idea.

   gonna have to go fight the holiday crowds at Wal-Mart. hmm.. Long Bow or Broad Sword?

   The Lunesta commercials amuse me. It seems that enough people have taken a sleeping pill and then said "Well, I better go jump on that bulldozer and get some work done." That they feel it's necessary to tell people NOT to do it...

   Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.