Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5356 of 6374
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I'm not a doctor, I just play one on the internet
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12-07-2010 21:52 by Miss Tesa
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snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
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12-07-2010 21:36
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7-11 is developing a new wine.. It's said to pair well with poor life choices and sadness
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12-07-2010 21:26 by jdpower
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I propose we add a new day to the week and call it "Someday," just think of all the awesome stuff that would happen on it.
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12-07-2010 20:57 by Zack
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i used to believe in Faith and Destiny, then I found out they were strippers
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12-07-2010 20:28
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If you're not drinking falcon blood out of a boar's skull, .....we don't want to see your tribal tattoo.
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Nobody stops and considers with everyone getting cellphones, Clark Kent will have resort to Port-O-Potties to change into Superman. Not a very heroic image is it!?
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12-07-2010 19:16
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In an effort to act my own age, I starting dating woman at 7 years younger than me as opposed to ones my own age.
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12-07-2010 19:01
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wondering if he's the only one who hears the theme to Get Smart when he walks down long hallways.
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12-07-2010 18:56 by Don Adams
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Son, when I was your age, our video game controllers were hard wired to the console. And Mario had to walk uphill both ways to the castle.
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Son, when I was your age, our video game were Big dots eating little dots while being chase by others dots who ran when my dot ate a special dot....
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My Christmas tree looks like Hell. I can get away with it though, because I'm a guy.
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12-07-2010 16:19 by emccully
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Telling me I can't is like asking me to prove you wrong!
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12-07-2010 16:04
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having one of those days where I just want to light somebody's face on fire and try putting it out with a fork!
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12-07-2010 16:00
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I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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12-07-2010 15:57
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Above all else. Don't forget to smile. It either warms their heart or pisses them off. You win no matter what.
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12-07-2010 15:52
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Here's the best advice of the day: If you call a psychic and they don't greet you by name, HANG UP!!!
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12-07-2010 15:50 by Heather25
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You say my driving is out of control, I say my driving is well-planned and that particular moves require extreme skill and big balls.
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12-07-2010 15:40
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Why did the blackman buy a old police car ??....So he could sit in the front for a change...
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12-07-2010 15:36
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somewhere between raising Hell and amazing grace.
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12-07-2010 15:30
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