Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It's IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top!
←Rate | 01-31-2011 20:15 by Tommy Chevelle Comments (1)  


   messageicon Once saw a man in the back who said 'Everyone Attack', but it didn't turn into a ballroom blitz.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 20:12 by Brian Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear 5 HOUR ENERGY ®, Some of us work 8 hours. Sincerely, A None-Government Employee
←Rate | 01-31-2011 19:58 by Mike M Comments (1)  


   messageicon I love snow it can make the dirtiest ghetto look clean.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 19:28 by Will Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now back to our regularly scheduled programming!
←Rate | 01-31-2011 19:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is really a Miss Facebook beauty pageant. I wonder if the bathroom pictures are scored lower?
←Rate | 01-31-2011 19:15 by Dopey420 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No man has ever said to a woman, "Not tonight honey, I have a headache."
←Rate | 01-31-2011 18:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you walk like an Egyptian in 2011? You don't. Running across streets, flipping cars, and setting fires are the prerequistes
←Rate | 01-31-2011 18:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon says if there were no bad parents, there would be no good strip clubs!
←Rate | 01-31-2011 18:25 by Ducketz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear IRS: First of all, you should know I filled my form out with my middle finger.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 18:10 by tina Comments (0)  


   messageicon The coolest part about wallet chains is that they let potential thieves know your wallet isn't worth stealing.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 18:06 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
←Rate | 01-31-2011 18:02 by Will Comments (1)  


   messageicon it might just be me, but oranges from the tree at the cemetary seem a little sweeter.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 17:06 by paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one way makes you sad or angry...I meant the OTHER way...
←Rate | 01-31-2011 16:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon O' HAPPY DAYS , first an ice storm followed by a whole month of black history month !
←Rate | 01-31-2011 15:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon and the #1 reason a beer is better than a woman.....Its a beer!
←Rate | 01-31-2011 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon in a bar the other day. "make me a zombie", "god beat me to this" said the barkeeper
←Rate | 01-31-2011 15:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Beatles saved the world from boredom. - George Harrison
←Rate | 01-31-2011 15:32 by NikkiNewYear Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok... Where do these people come from that just wake up and say "Ya know, I don't think I can live without purchasing a BMW station-wagon". Really? THAT'S the luxury vehicle of your dreams? 
←Rate | 01-31-2011 15:30 by Jaclyn Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seems to me if you really want to meet a celebrity your best shot is by going to rehab.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 14:51 Comments (0)  




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