Funny Status Messages

   I had a couple of those drinks last night called Mind Erasers. They must have done the trick because I can't remember anything from 1 am till just now!

   having a Valentine's Eve party for those that need to have a good time before tomorrow comes.

   Hey Facebook...if its not broke, don't fix it!! The new photo viewer sucks!

   Talking and speaking are entirely different things. So are hearing and listening.

   If a guy treats a girl like dirt, she'll stick to him like mud!

   That time of year again where in a few days we will be able to buy Hearts filled with chocolates for 75% off.

   Hmmmm. Egypt's people actually protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend? ;)

   Someone called me a social butterfly, I'm more of a social moth. When I approach a hot woman, I get shot down in flames...

   I just watched the "Notebook" & "Rudy" ...NO I didn't cry! but I want to go out for an ice cream now

   I don't want you to panic but I'm texting from casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was

   hate the anticipation of setting a mouse trap,right at the last minute all seems good then "snap" you lose the battle...

   Work would be so much better if there was nap time, recess, and gym.

   EGYPTIAN LIBERATION PARTY TONIGHT @ THE SPHINX..EVERYBODY GETS LAID!!! Sponsored by Girls Gone Nile'd

   I'm home alone on a Saturday watching a show about flying planes in Alaska. Can't I just meet a nice girl on craigslist that will come over and kill me?

   Lonliness and alcohol are good friends, but on Valentine's day, they are best friends.

   I can't eat Doritos anymore. That finger licking commercial was disgusting! Why is it still being aired?

   at Walmart letting the one tooth wonder check me out!!!

   It's illegal to text while driving, but apparently it's okay for the police to surf CopNET on the freeway at 70 MPH.

   No my child, you may not have a cheese, peanut butter, fluff and cookie sandwich. Why? Because its just flat out disturbing that you thought those would make a great sandwich

   My wife asked me if I wanted to go on a date for Valentine's, so I asked her with who and do I know her...................then the trouble started.