Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5246 of 6446

Sad truth: He goes to Jared, she goes to a pawn shop in about 7 years.
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02-13-2011 09:29
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Just in case you are wondering....I did not go to Jared.
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02-13-2011 09:21
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I had a couple of those drinks last night called Mind Erasers. They must have done the trick because I can't remember anything from 1 am till just now!

having a Valentine's Eve party for those that need to have a good time before tomorrow comes.
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02-13-2011 09:18
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Hey Facebook...if its not broke, don't fix it!! The new photo viewer sucks!
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02-13-2011 07:31
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Talking and speaking are entirely different things. So are hearing and listening.
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02-13-2011 06:20 by Jajian
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If a guy treats a girl like dirt, she'll stick to him like mud!
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02-13-2011 04:03 by Seddy90
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That time of year again where in a few days we will be able to buy Hearts filled with chocolates for 75% off.
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02-13-2011 03:55 by JimmyCos
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Hmmmm. Egypt's people actually protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend? ;)
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02-13-2011 02:34
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Someone called me a social butterfly, I'm more of a social moth. When I approach a hot woman, I get shot down in flames...

I just watched the "Notebook" & "Rudy" ...NO I didn't cry! but I want to go out for an ice cream now
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02-13-2011 01:35 by smeebert
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I don't want you to panic but I'm texting from casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was

hate the anticipation of setting a mouse trap,right at the last minute all seems good then "snap" you lose the battle...
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02-13-2011 00:51 by splinter
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Work would be so much better if there was nap time, recess, and gym.
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02-13-2011 00:25 by Will
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EGYPTIAN LIBERATION PARTY TONIGHT @ THE SPHINX..EVERYBODY GETS LAID!!! Sponsored by Girls Gone Nile'd
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02-13-2011 00:18
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I'm home alone on a Saturday watching a show about flying planes in Alaska. Can't I just meet a nice girl on craigslist that will come over and kill me?
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02-12-2011 23:19 by BMH
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Lonliness and alcohol are good friends, but on Valentine's day, they are best friends.
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02-12-2011 22:13 by JimJR89
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I can't eat Doritos anymore. That finger licking commercial was disgusting! Why is it still being aired?
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02-12-2011 21:55
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at Walmart letting the one tooth wonder check me out!!!
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02-12-2011 21:22
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It's illegal to text while driving, but apparently it's okay for the police to surf CopNET on the freeway at 70 MPH.
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02-12-2011 20:37
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