Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We need a "stable genius" that understands you can call news and people fake but you can't call a virus fake. This fake virus has wiped out more than 50% of the three years of market gains in two weeks. Who you gonna call? Obama busters....

   If there's one place I can't stand... It's an ice rink!

   Since the stores are all sold out... I'm thinking maybe Trump can get us some of those paper towels back he gave to Puerto Rico.

   I'm such a procrastinator, I'm just now getting around to worrying about Zika Virus.

   I have a lot of opinions for someone who is never completely sure of today’s date

   Coronavirus won't last long, it was made in China.

   I don't care what you look like as long as you don't smell bad.

   By the reactions below, this is a group of major pole buffers.

   The morality rate for Covid-19 is 2%. The percentage of g@ys is 4%. You have a greater chance of becoming a mollusk muncher or a pole smoker than dying from the Coronavirus.

   Anyone remember a time before Facebook when you how to get your selfies developed then go around to all your friends houses to see if they liked them? Yeah neither do I.

   Some people are so poor, the only thing they have is money.

   Some guy: "Bro, I got a limo for me and my friends! In your face!" Me: "Wow. You have 90 dollars."

   I got an air fryer because it's healthier. Of course along with my air fried pork chops I had 5 lbs of mashed potatoes with a stick of butter and a Key Lime Pie for dessert.

   One good thing about daylight savings time is the clock in my car is finally correct!

   Out of toilet paper, will trade you one new roll for 5 gently used rolls

   Forgot we have to turn our clocks ahead today and was really confused how I spent an hour making my coffee this morning.

   Virus or no virus, cruises hold no appeal for me. It's akin to a 5 star house arrest that's centered around overeating, which I can do quite well in the comfort of my own home.

   Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.

   since camping spoons are white, are they still considered "silverware" or should they be called "whiteware" ?

   Who's the most popular guy at the nudist camp? The one carrying two pots of coffee and a dozen donuts.