Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   One ovary asks the other ovary "Did you order any furniture?" "No, why?" "Because there's two nuts out there, trying to shove in an organ."

   Stop taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom... It's never sexy to pose where you poop!!

   Nothing kills your weight loss success, like thinking you can wear spandex.

   A holy war over Muhamid Ali? seriously? ...what? ...oh my bad.

   Told my wife I was getting my swagg on...she said just keep it off her couch...grrrrr

   Christmas 2011 : Justin Bieber Barbie

   you want a good idea for "Survivor" ? How about Suvivor: Compton.

   come to America to study, go home and become a terrorist...cancel the student visa

   The best advice I've ever seen on a sign was: "Familty Planning Use Rear Entrance"...

   People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies...

   Sky news -'US: Gaddafi 'Delusional And Unfit To Lead'That's rich, coming from a country which put George Bush in charge...

   WOW! Can you believe Justin Bieber is 17 today, seems like just yesterday she was just a little girl playing in her room with her karaoke machine. Next thing you know she'll find a nice guy and get married and start having kids of her own.

   If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.

   Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

   By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

   There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

   Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

   Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

   Jesus take the wheel, I'm updating my status.

   If you watch Lord Of The Rings backwards it's about a little guy who finds a really cool ring in a volcano and spends the rest of the film walking home.