Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don't understand why this loan manager won't get behind my dream of becoming a sugar daddy.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 12:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking News: Trump screams at Mike Pence for not praying hard enough to make Biden lose.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 12:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon what happens if the bachelor chooses to love himself
←Rate | 03-04-2020 11:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Over 50 means you go to the bathroom one more time “for good measure”.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A burrito so good, a Mariachi band is playing outside the bathroom stall at work the next day.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 08:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re happy and you know it... wash your hands.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You must first feel comfortable in someone else's skin before you can feel comfortable in your own. --Psycho Therapy
←Rate | 03-04-2020 06:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just been voted the most secretive person in the world... I can't tell you what it means to me.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 06:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I occasionally enjoy having my steak undercooked.. but that’s rare.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 06:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss those days when I would sneeze and someone would politely say, "Bless You" now they run the other way.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 06:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of putting a Coronavirus Quarantine sign on my door to discourage solicitors.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 18:06 by Stinkerbelle Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been trying out the rum diet this week, I've lost 2 days already.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 17:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun fact: Girls who tweet about sports will not do that thing you like.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 17:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ll start buying “smart” appliances when they make a microwave that automatically electrocutes people who put fish in it
←Rate | 03-03-2020 17:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Great... I tried to kill a spider with glitter body spray and it didn't work Now I have a spider that won't stop dancing and insists I call her cinnamon
←Rate | 03-03-2020 17:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scarface: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FREN me: hi Danny Devito: well hello there
←Rate | 03-03-2020 17:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon cant fool us you swamp rat below, go vote for Bernie and let the rest of intelligent people post
←Rate | 03-03-2020 15:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One time I ran into an old friend and she said "omg you haven't met my baby" and I said "omg I had went to her house with a baby gift and her baby was a damn cat.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I walk into a car dealership, I bring twenty senior citizens that are dying to talk to someone, so I can look at vehicles in peace
←Rate | 03-03-2020 14:28 Comments (0)  




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