Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Be yourself. Who else is better qualified.

   Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.

   The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

   Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the Husband, sharks for the husbands mother.

   Do you remember that time we were on the school bus and you had your head out the window and I had my a$$ out the window and everyone thought we were twins?

   I slept like a baby last night,,,,of course minus the peeing and pooping on myself.......

   One of the high points about me working Sunday mornings...is reading the status updates people post after a night of drinking!

   Its Sunday....Sunday. It comes after Saturday!!!!

   Happy PALM Sunday to All Singles out there!!

   I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

   Do not follow where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

   This is an "A" and "B" conversation, so "C" your way out before "D" jumps over "E" and "F"'s you up like a "G" :)

   To all single men out there, NO, Plam Sunday is NOT like a Valentine's Day for you and your palm.

   I just watch a damn naked Chinese man run into a wall at full speed with a hard on. He broke his nose.

   people will damn believe anything if you whisper it.

   If a transvesite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half Milk?

   My wifes new nickname is Karma

   WARNING, PLEASE READ - I don't usually re-post these but... If someone comes to your front door, and asks you to remove your clothes, and dance in your front yard with your arms in the air.. DO NOT do this, it is a scam!! They just want to see you naked.

   Why is it we know we have the right to remain silent... But never do it?

   I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.