Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If, at any point, you stopped for Hammer Time, I think it is now safe to proceed

   Sometimes I text my mom just because the thought of her staring puzzled at her phone trying to find her texts is difficult to resist

   If I blocked you on Facebook, what makes you think I want to talk to you in real life?

   non-stop coverage of the royal wedding in the US! The news acts like we are a former English colony or something...

   thinks Donald Trump needs to produce a birth certificate for that thing living on his head.

   My neighbor is having such a hard time, he was divorced 2 months ago and then broke his wrist this week- I told him look at the bright side, now you can change your relationship from single to its complicated

   People who have high and unnecessary attitudes deserve the standing ovation of my tallest finger !!!!!!!

   Social Security checks are go paperless. Cause if the is something senior citizens are good at it's online banking.

   Royal Wedding.. Hmmm..... Wonder whether they will have this Fuss bout big wedding when Justin Beiber decides to get married with the guy of his choice???

   Looking forward my BIG day tomorrow... Wait it's not mine but it has been drilled into my head for the past 6 months!

   Today I saw two of my Facebook friends join a group called "I hold my boobs when I run down the stairs"

   If you ever cause me to go to jail, I will slap the soap out of your hands...

   No, you didn't get me. If you did, I would be screaming in pain, unconcious or dead!

   so who wants to take bets on a William and Kate sex tape scandal by the end of the year?

   That awkward moment when your teacher is helping someone with their work, and her ass is in your face

   We all know Obama isn't a natural born citizen, but did they have to send the obnoxious guy with the ferret on his head to tackle this issue?

   Dear Scissors, I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin

   Dear 2010, So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! Sincerely, 1985

   Since the damn world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.

   Imac, i-pad, i-phone, i-pod, i-tab………. and finally i-bankrupt :(