Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just sprayed Febreeze's "Brazilian Carnival" air freshener... So far, no party... Guess I'll just sit here and wait on my wax.

   Great day with family, great food but right now I am egg-zausted!

   "A day without a nap is like a cupcake without frosting." -Terri Guillemets

   I've read the story before the duck dies

   What a beautiful day in history. A few thousand years ago, a chicken dressed as a rabbit layed the first ever Cadbury Egg.

   it just me, or is everyones day ruined when you hear that J.G. Wentworth commerical? No matter when, where or even how I hear it, that damn commericals song gets stuck in my head. Damn you J.G. Wentworth and you ability to get my cash now!

   What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?... It's gonna take a while to get me hard. I just got laid by some chick.

   A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of my old bills.

   Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A. We better get some support or people will think we're nuts.

   Best three Kings of all time!! Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.

   Ahh Easter Sunday, when catholics actually go to church then pretend all year they are religious..

   I will avoid tomorrow those who eat Easter eggs today

   Your mother sat on my glasses and broke them, I guess it's partially my fault, I should of took them off my face first.

   Would go play on the playground, but doesn't have anyone to push him on the swings or sit on the see saw with

   his own bunny rabbit and will name him George and hug him and pet him and squeeze him

   Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life

   for some people religions are like farts. Yours is good, but everyone else's stinks.

   almost drowned in the shower yesterday, so today I have my life jacket and the voices and I have rehearsed what to do in case of an emergency

   silly rabbit Easter is for Jesus.

   If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!!!