Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   so who wants to take bets on a William and Kate sex tape scandal by the end of the year?

   That awkward moment when your teacher is helping someone with their work, and her ass is in your face

   We all know Obama isn't a natural born citizen, but did they have to send the obnoxious guy with the ferret on his head to tackle this issue?

   Dear Scissors, I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin

   Dear 2010, So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?! Sincerely, 1985

   Since the damn world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.

   Imac, i-pad, i-phone, i-pod, i-tab………. and finally i-bankrupt :(

   FACT: The richest man on the planet is a mexican!

   thinks Mr. Trump should ask a more important question next time around like... "Where is Osama Bin Laden?" or better yet, I'm waiting for Obama to ask Trump if his hair is real and to prove it! JUST SAYIN'

   Im sure the bachelor party for this royal wedding crap was insane and there were lots of strippers!! But if you think about it, its kinda creepy. Could you imagine "making it rain" all over the strippers with your grandmothers face on it...

   Predict how many offseason NFL injuries will there be. Come on, take a stab at it.

   With the possibility of the NFL season being cancelled, you would think that no players would be going under the knife, but...

   thinks the NFL should stop giving complimentary cutlery sets to the players wives and girlfriends.

   Skinny thugs dress like they're fat. Fat hipsters dress like they're skinny. Guys in drag dress like girls. Am I still considered normal anymore by wearing what I'm supposed to?

   Toward no crimes have men shown themselves so cold- bloodedly cruel as in punishing differences of belief.

   Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex 'cause you don't want that late text "I think I'm late" text

   Note to self: Do NOT draft Peyton Hillis this year.

   I'm not sure which I find more nauseating, every detail of the Royal Wedding being broadcast, The View, or that they're advertsing the The View's live Royal Wedding coverage.

   Now we finally know what Obama was hiding on his birth certificate. Under favorite band, it says: "Nickleback."

   Problem: Always get stuck next to obnoxious drunk guy on plane. Solution: Be obnoxious drunk guy on plane.