Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   3 words, 8 letters. 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, one emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU!

   I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

   Fine England, you have princes and princesses, but we have OBAMA.......Oh wait.........;)

   I'd like to get one thing straight....My Son.

   I have curves and i'm not afraid to use them.!!!

   I would've went to the wedding just to wear one of those cool hats...

   "Prince Williams bachelor party musta been awkward. Imagine stuffing bills in some strippers thong and they all got a picture of Grandma on em."

   The only way I would honestly be able to say you are "hot" is if you were set on fire.

   "The biggest mistake you can make is being afraid to make one" (",)

   "You only live once, so don't think twice" (",)

   My mates a transvestite - He likes to eat, drink and be Mary

   The only reason I would want to see Donald Trump elected as president is so we could see what his hair does when he gets off of that big helicopter...

   - I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

   "If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?"

   "I like my popcorn a little burnt". No, you don't. You just suck at making popcorn

   YOU Can't even Understand Normal Thinking

   If Britain didn't colonize America, Americans would be sat in wig-wams speaking Spanish

   What do you call nun in a wheel chair.. Virgin Mobile

   I just gave Gatorade to my neighbor's horse...it's been running in circles for 2 hours

   The person who says he trusts no one should include himself.