Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   My girlfriend went out for drinks with the girls from her work... Can't wait for her to get back and tell me EVERYTHING that's wrong with me.

   Politicians don't wanna scare you, they wanna keep you stupid. Fear is just the smell when ignorance takes a sh!t.

   To the person who put those three stupid messages using my ID... Your m0m's 0rg@sm face looks scary...

   More than 7 billion other people in the world,and not one of them is naked in front me right now. That's not right...

   Hershey's is coming out with a new candy bar for transvestites... called Heshey's

   She wanted to do it doggy style so I sniffed her ass, humped her leg and bit her on the face.

   Strip Rock Paper Scissors is my new favorite game.

   It's annoying that I don't understand all these Call of Duty or Lord of the Rings jokes. Then I remember, I have a girlfriend.

   No one cares about your problems. Take your clothes off.

   Making my lunch for work sucks ass because I smoked a big joint before going in and I ate everything by 9am.

   Cashier: "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Me: "Nope - still single." Both of us: "Hahahaha!"

   I wonder when they will put the middle class on the endangered species list.

   Dear girl running for her life, I was only running after you with the knife trying to protect you from whatever you were running from... call me

   The only reason why I wouldn't care if I ever actually laughed my ass off is that I rarely give a sh*t.

   The key to successful relationships is not to start any.

   I feel like a MILF because Man I Love Facebook.

   I went to see my boss today and said, "I think we have a communication problem." He replied, "You can say that again, I fired you two weeks ago."

   If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.

   Why is it called "raw sewage?" Does that mean that someone, somewhere, is cooking the sh!t?

   I wonder how many times that fat kid on Adam's Family locked himself in the bathroom with a playboy and that freaky hand thing?!?!