will Funny Status Messages

   Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. A friend or money?

   Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

   You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you alot and think of you often.

   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

   Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   I went to Lowe's with a bucket of Legos and asked the manager if we could build something together. She threw me out.

   99 bottles of beer on the wall. 99 bottles of beer. Take them all down skip the dam song, drink em all at once with a beer bong.

   I'm so good at sleeping I could do it with my eyes closed

   If you have to have a job as host of are you smarter than a fifth grader. Then you just might be a terrible comedian.

   I'm pissed. Somebody stole my 330 million dollars!

   It's going to be really funny watching 2012 in 2013.

   I was on snookies facebook and poked her. Now I need to get my facebook checked for herpes.

   Got a flannel sweater for the 9th year in a row. Thanks mom! Can't wait to see what I get next year.

   If you see a fat man who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard and a red velvet suit, if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh, with 9 tiny reindeer pulling him along, then you have to face it your eggnog's too strong

   What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!

   My son finally found out Santa isn't real, but he claims he heard footsteps on the roof the last couple years on Christmas. This year instead of leaving cookies and sleeping, he's going to sit on the roof with a shotgun.

   I'm dreaming of a 90 degree Christmas

   Happy Thanksgivings...Screw the turkey, I want to stuff my woman...