gil Funny Status Messages

   "I'd like to thank my celebrity life-coaches Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, & Nick Nolte for the overwhelming positive effect they've had on my recent life."

   Casey Anthony trial ends today. Roger Clemens trial begins today. Coincidence?.... I think not.

   Bill and Ted wrote the best bible when they said "Be excellent to each other". no other commandments or words of wisdom needed.

   I was walking down the street and saw my Arab friend shaking a rug on his porch. I shouted out to him "What's wrong Ahmed, won't start?"

   Dear John Edwards, Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you!, Sincerely, Anthony Weiner

   I listed the Federal Government as a dependent on my taxes this year

   To show my support for all the democracy protesters in the Middle East, I am shaving my balls today(They were getting hairy and I needed an excuse)

   Jell-O: Doubling the global demand for supply of Vodka since 1923

   If anyone believes Osama Bin Laden was really buried at sea, I have a bridge in New York I want to sell you.

   ‎"There goes the neighborhood" - Spongebob Squarepants

   ‎"It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden. It was our job to arrange the meeting." - United States Navy SEALS

   "After seeing Kate and William getting married and the Pope's beatification this weekend, my life is complete. I don't care if I die tomorrow" - Osama Bin Laden

   Breaking News: Barack Obama to deliver his re-election victory speech tomorrow....

   Now accepting applications for FWB. Several positions open. Please email me photos and resume.

   Twitter was invented to teach women how to communicate silently in 140 characters or less.

   Just think how interesting facebook would be if there was a "cheating on spouse with _______" relationship status

   Don't cops have something better to do than arrest non-violent casual Marijuana smokers?

   On this day, 25 years ago, Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault. WTF is he still working?

   The Easter Bunny just left me a bunch of tiny brown chocolate eggs. Can't wait to eat them. Yummy!

   more kisses begin with Budweiser or good weed than Kay