flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Every time I see a beautiful woman with an idiot, I think to myself... this is a pretty good picture of my wife and me

   I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.

   I scream. You scream. Others begin to scream frightened by our screaming. Panic ensues. Riots breakout... next time just ask for ice cream.

   I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.

   Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, and where did he get the idea?

   If a co-worker asks how your long weekend was, respond with a clever retort like "not long enough" or "MAAAAAN I MISSED YOUR SMELL"

   My wife just nominated me for the "would it kill you to refill the ice trays every once in a while" challenge?

   If I drove a UPS truck there's a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners

   Punk's not dead. Punk is resting its eyes. Punk works hard all week. Just please, go play quietly and let punk sleep.

   sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish using my voice to just sing in the car instead of saving the music industry

   Does anyone else ever hear their alarm go off in the morning and immediately start rationalizing quitting your job?

   facebook has allowed me to bring my "he's a distraction to the rest of the class" from school to a global scale

   Someone hacked my online bank account and now I have to change my dog's name.

   Next time you hear a stranger give out their number text them details of what they're wearing. It's so much fun to watch them freak out

   Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great

   I got you something better than a present. I wrote "happy birthday dude" on your Facebook when a robot reminded me it was your birthday.

   When one door closes another one opens... if that were true, imagine trying to get in the car. It would be like an episode of Mr Bean.

   It's always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.

   I think there should be something in science called "the reindeer effect". I don't know what it would be, but it would be cool to hear someone say "Gentleman what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect"

   Do you ever start writing a status and halfway through you’re just like “nah”