equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   so powerful that a single one of my pubic hairs could shut down an entire restaraunt for a week!

   Florida....Where America goes to die.

   Whenever I say the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with pie!

   In a survival situation you can drink your own urine. Fortunately my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the bottle and I didn't need to.

   Drinking at a bar last night so I took a bus home. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but i've never driven a bus before!

   a ventriloquist. I can put my hand up your skirt and make your lips move!

   "Oh No!" "I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there are doctors everywhere!"

   There are no stupid questions, But I have met a ton of inquisitive idiots.

   Someone walked up to me today and handed me a bible. So I flipped it open and autographed it. As I handed it back to the lady (who looked very confused), I smiled and said.. "It's always nice to meet a fan!"

   I had a dream that I killed all of the shirtless guys with their own swag...and their duckface girlfriends....I call it the YOLOcaust.

   show me the benefits part and THEN i'll let you know if we can be friends

   I don't like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I'm leaving!

   Did you hear?? The Pope is giving up Jesus for Lent!!

   I found the pot at the end of the rainbow, and I smoked it!

   I organized a threesome last night. There was a couple of no shows but I still had a great time!

   I don't want your girlfriend. No one wants your girlfriend... Thats why she's with you!

   WALMART, because going to TARGET requires taking a shower.

   I am always confused when I see a status message that isn't about me.

   My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It's not working. I cant take it anymore, I'm going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?

   "i would do anything for love, but I won't do that...or that, or that, or that, or that, or that"