eengrms Funny Status Messages

   Love your neighbor, but don't get caught...

   I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...

   The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...

   So Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I'm thinking savings isn't the only thing you will catch at Walmart...

   This time can Ben Affleck stay behind instead so we can find a suitable Batman?

   Just saw a guy sitting with a Blackberry and a newspaper. I think he was waiting for a horse...

   I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?

   At least now I know the real reason why I've never been asked to play on a professional volleyball team...

   Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid...

   Just read that Kate Upton is an heir to a billion dollar fortune... Finally a reason to date her...

   Given the age of the average facebook user is steadily increasing, it's no wonder their new look would include large print and big pictures...

   Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...

   If you take all the veins out of a person and lay them end to end that person will die...

   You should be able to pick a theme for your Facebook movie... Because some of you should need to pick drama...

   That guy has a couple screws loose... which is ironic because he's also a tool...

   If the universe didn't want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn't have four slots on my toaster...

   Bieber's arrest doesn't give him street cred, it actually just raises the street cred bar a little higher...

   I think instead of doing laundry I'm just going to buy a second hamper...

   So Paul Walker was cremated... I hate to point out the obvious...

   The American Music Awards are so predictable... I didn't win a single award again this year...