XX-FOXY Funny Status Messages

   If you need space then work at NASA

   My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.

   Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock...

   Conference (noun), Definition: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

   If a girl stabs you with a knife on the first date… How many days should you wait to ask her out again???

   Condoms DO NOT guarentee safe sex anymore... A FB friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's Husband...

   Valentine's Day: Dinner for two - $80, Dessert - $20, Flowers - $50, Gold Necklace - $250, Bottle of French Champagne - $100, Godiva Strawberry Chocolates - $60… Look on his face after she says - “I'm on a period…” PRICELESS!!!

   Still haven't heard Obama or GOP candidates say anything about getting rid of Jersey Shore or deporting Justin Bieber back to Canada…

   When I get old, I don't want people thinking, "what a sweet old grandpa..." I want them to worry - "I hope he is not armed with AK 47..."

   Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller and smaller after every mistake.

   A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. All you do is play games...

   Making a million friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a friend who will stand by you when millions are against you.

   The difference between a smart man and a wise man is that a smart man knows what to say, a wise man knows whether or not to say it...

   Never reject anybody in your life, because good people give us happiness and bad people give us experience. Both are essential in life!

   A lot of problems would disappear if people talked to each other more than talking about each other.

   Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package...

   I may not be the best, but I'm definitely not like the rest!

   Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back...

   A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already

   I must need glasses because everywhere I look, people seem to have two faces!