Sully Funny Status Messages

   They say drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette takes 6 minutes off your life. By my calculations I died in 1985...... Cheers!!

   I just dropped $2 somewhere under the passenger seat in my car, so I guess I have a savings account now.

   Pro Tip: If your EBT Card is denied... just take out your ObamaPhone and call him.

   Maybe the EBT card shutdown is actually a new DIET plan created by Michelle Obama?

   The only thing worse than the roll out of Obamacare would be walking around barefoot in a Major League Baseball dugout....

   Tony Romo is the type of person to make a perfect cake and then drop it on the way to the table....

   Maybe......Obama can put his government shutdown barricades up in federal waters and block Tropical Storm Karen!?!?

   Guess what day it is!!! Guess! What! Day! It! Is! Its Day 2 of the government shutdown and society has yet to collapse, this is exactly what the Democrats feared....

   CNN Breaking news: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released......

   CNN Breaking news: Grand Canyon is closed, please don't look if you are driving or flying through.....

   Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....

   Damn it!! I wish I had some fireworks for the government shutdown tonight.....

   Will be taking part in the looting and anarchy that's sure to come with tonight's government shutdown......

   Good thing my drug dealer delivers rain, sleet or government shutdown......

   Do Obama phones immediately quit working if the government shuts down? Asking for a friend......

   If the Government shuts down who will spy on me?

   Happy first day of fall! ¡ƃuıɹds ɟo ʎɐp ʇsɹıɟ ʎddɐH

   I don't Obamaknow and I don't Obamacare......

   The media is a weapon of mass destruction....

   My Syria plan: Give weapons to both sides. Let them annihilate each other. Smoke a cigar with Benjamin Netanyahu....