Scottyp Funny Status Messages

   I guess today has been pretty good. I haven't had to slap one single person yet....

   I tried to look up the Kelly Blue Book value of my car and it said before it could tell me it needed to know how much gas was in it....

   Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......

   ice seems to be able to make even the most graceful of people turn into really bad break dancers.....

   After a very thorough, 25 year investigation, charges have officially been filed against "video" for her part in the killing of the radio star.....

   Middle Age---When you sit at home and Saturday night and the phone rings and you really hope it's not for you...

   I'm not saying that you and your girlfriend are unatractive, but when you two got into that physical altercation at the bar, every single person there immediately called PETA except for Michael Vick and that's only because he had already wagered on her

   I hit a coyote with my car on the way to work this morning. I tried to miss it but it was going to fast. It might have had something to do with that ACME rocket strapped to his back

   From what I can tell, a Boomerang is just a Frisbee for people who don't have any friends...

   I am so happy to hear that curiousity killed the cat. For a while, I was the only suspect..

   I wish I could get 3 dollars plus a gallon for MY gas....I mean, it seems to be pretty high octane...........

   Dear Mr. Pinto Bean, I'm very sorry I ate you and a couple of hundred of your friends, but there is no need for you to panic and plot your escape.....

   I agree that some people might have been dropped on their head as a baby....but some people were clearly thrown against a wall

   BREAKING NEWS: Cheese factory explodes---nothing left but de Brie

   My 4 year old is going through a phase where he screams out what he is about to do before he does it. I had to explain to him that only adults on social networking sites were allowed to do that....

   I was planning on procastinating today but I think I'm going to put that off until next week as well

   categorically denies all allegations......Next question

   I would like to wish a very Merry Christmas to all of my Polish friends..

   I'm trying to learn yoga.....I'm pretty sure that I have the "Moron lying on his ass" move perfected

   If I'm half Welsh and half Hungarian, I wonder if that makes me Well-Hung