K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   Went to Micky D's today and ordered the fish sandwich and for the first time ever the cheese was squarely on the sandwich.....almost brought a tear to my eye.

   You know it's hot when you open your deoderant and it's sweating.

   Aww Crap, Monday found me again.

   A picnic is a great way to see what all the foods you love would taste like if you added ants.

   It's so hot my watermelon melted.

   Never look for leftover fireworks in your car with a lighter. Good news is I now have a sunroof.

   I have a feeling Thursday the 5th of July is not going to be a very produtive day at work.

   Ever notice that after you and some friends order a pizza the only conversation you have is "where the hell is the pizza?"

   I think we should celebrate Canada Day be giving Bieber back.

   Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes getting a divorce...Now it's Katies turn to jump up and down on Oprah's couch.

   You're laughing because I'm laughing, but I'm laughing because I farted.

   Duct tape: Turning NO!, NO!, NO! into mmm, mmm, mmm.

   It's Friday, Yay the weekends here...<BLINK> Monday? WTF?

   Still no Fathers Day card from my kids. Just because they are short, furry and talk funny is no excuse....it's hard being a single father.

   I got caught talking to myself today, so to avoid embarrassment, I pretended to be a tree until they left.

   If we can't get weed legalized, we can just start calling it smokable beer.

   I think before we vote, we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what's REALLY on their minds.

   The only time I wouldn't mind being buried alive is if were under a pile of money.

   Before Facebook and online dating, I seriously don't think I've ever seen a picture of a person in their bathroom.

   The experts says "don't stare directly into the sun during the Venus transit". Do we really need to be told that? Also, during the Venus transit, don't forget to breathe.