DYLAN BOSCH Funny Status Messages

   Nice guys finish last... because they make sure their women come first ;)

   Women don't want to hear what you think...Women want to hear what they think- in a deeper voice."

   When moving walkways in airports warn me to watch my step because, "The walkway is coming to a end", my first thought is "I'm moving 2 mph, that is ridiculous." Then when I get to the end all I can think is "Oh crap, I better not mess this up."

   This time of year every store is advertising as "your one stop shop!" Really? I'm in college, I'm pretty sure that's the liquor store.

   Sometimes I smile in the middle of telling a story, not because I'm fondly remembering something, but because I'm impressed with the BS I am creating on the spot."

   If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?"

   My road rage doubles in winter. Not only does everyone drive like they're 100 years old, but I get even more enraged when I flip someone off and realize I'm wearing mittens. Now I'm pissed and embarassed."

   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."

   All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy!"

   The true test of inner strength is finding both stalls occupied."

   Men are terrified of women. Don't believe me? Go use one of those decorative towels in the bathroom. I dare ya."

   I have a recurring, hour-long meeting set on my work calendar for 4pm on Fridays. There's no actual meeting, but I'll be damned if I let someone schedule a real one at that time."

   If you die in a manner that leaves your body unrecognizable they identify you by your dental records; if they don't know who you are, how in the world would they know who your dentist is?"

   watched that new gay television soap series called, 'Leave it, it's Beaver!'

   Someone quoted me incorrectly on Twitter again. I *HATE* it when I get mistweeted.

   I heard that the world is going to end in 2012, because that's only as far as the Mayan calendar goes. But the news gets even worse: I checked MY calendar, and it only goes to the end of this year!"

   it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy?

   Pandora tells me what music I like, Netflix tells me what movies I like.. Refrigerator: Why are you such a slacker?!"

   If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?"

   placing myself in "TIME OUT" until I am able to play nice with others! Until then, don't piss me off because I have nothing to lose being in Time Out already!"