@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   Has discovered why losing weight when you are older is so difficult. The fat and your body have become such good friends that they don't wan to be separated.

   Deny,Deny,Deny..If they aint got pictures,they aint got sh*t!

   “Can I use your phone to call my mom?” “Yeah, just hit redial…

   "You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" - Life

   I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark, Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him

   The single most suspicious thing you can do when someone walks into the room is to minimize your browser

   Lil Wayne = 5% black. 95% tattoos.!!

   "Let's talk dirty" ... "What DID YOU SAY?!" ... "I said it's 10:30...

   If I was stranded on a desert island & could only bring 1 thing, I would bring Dora. That b!tch has everything in her backpack

   Why do people feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking “I'M GOING TO KILL.. Ah darn he's under a blanket”!!

   Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” I said, “I am.”!!!

   Nothing in life is “fun for the whole family.”

   On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me????

   I don't think I've ever heard a car alarm go off for a legit reason..

   EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs

   I hate when I'm eating cereal and the last 5 pieces are like "Try n' catch me bro!"

   ~• << Picture of me when I was younger, I was so cute. :D

   They say, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart.

   My head says, “Go to the gym.” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”!

   I look around when talking to someone because lets face it direct eye contact is weird sometimes!