friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up on brain-dead zombies. Oh wait. Sorry, wrong channel. This is "The View".

   Cats always have that look on their face like you just asked if they would help you move next weekend

   Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.

   Went to a Black Friday thing a my sweetheart’s house… all clothes were 100% off.

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   How is Monday the 13th not as scary as Friday the 13th?!

   I gained an hour last weekend. I spent that hour figuring out how to change the clock in my car

   I ate too much salad over the weekend so I'm going on an Oreo cleanse today.

   I know what you did last Friday the 13th.

   "Friday" is an old Indian word that means "Just two more days until Monday."

   I'm going to give up paying for UFC and boxing, I can just tune in for free and watch the riots every weekend.

   The Mrs is visiting her mother this weekend, so the dog and I are smoking cigars and playing poker. In our underware!!!!!

   Short term goal, today get past annoying Monday and Monday's close friends, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday before hanging out with Friday and Friday's hot friends Saturday and Sunday.

   I've got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I'm gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.

   Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?

   I lost 3 pounds over the weekend.but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut

   Fun At The Office Tip: Eat an Easter egg on the Friday after Easter, then wait for the employees to start an office pool named, "What crawled up your a$$ and died?"

   If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.

   "Mommy, can we go visit grandpa in Washington this weekend?" "Barron, I've told you a hundred times that is your Daddy."

   I met a woman on a date last night , and I don't think it'll work out , she said she's a weekend heroin user. If she can't commit to Heroin, what kind of wife material is she really ?