Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks that Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk.

   Not going to happen! I'm the king of lame comedy and I love it!

   You are one big kunt.

   GaryKoenig, please stop with horrible jokes. You're the lamest asshole on social media.

   No Epstein files will be released. Hunter Biden is not going to be President. AOC isn't either. Trump's not going to prison, neither is Obama. Cut the partisan nonsense already, you numbskulls.

   6 am too early to drink

   TSA is no longer going to use that scanner that shows passengers in the nude. They made an executive decision Today after the View Cast boarded a flight at LAX.

   GaryKoenig is back in full force.

   I saw a bumper sticker that said "May life treat you the way you treat your dog" I hope no one puts me on a leash and makes me poop outside.

   Sometimes, I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked 'wonderful tonight', or if it was the 15th outfit she tried on and he just wanted to get to the party and get a drink. 🤔🎸😂

   The proprietor of this channel has a bad case of ligginma. Ligginma nuts.

   I identify as a donkey. My pronouns are Hee/Haw.

   I have been marked safe from being on the Epstein list.

   has been marked safe from a kiss cam at a major event.

   A cop asked if I'd had anything to drink, and I thought it would be amusing to do a little Sinatra for him. So I sang, "Beers. I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention." We laughed and gave each other a high five and now I'm in jail.

   buy ur girl Coldplay tickets or else her boss will

   what do you call a group of humans? an infestation

   Judo is what you use to make bagels. 🥯

   I don't know what's worse: Being caught cheating at a Coldplay concert, or just plain caught being at a Coldplay concert.

   I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add