Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   US military enrolment has plummeted the last three months because no one wants to join while he is in office 🤣

   Repupubes fought tooth and nail to stop people from handing out bottles of water while in line to vote, but now they are totally fine with a billionaire offering them money for votes?

   Imagine telling Denmark they "don't do enough" for people in Greenland, when BOTH countries HAVE universal healthcare AND YOURS DOESN'T 😂

   JD Vance flew to Greenland to the U.S. military base. He spent just 3 hours there. Then flew home with his tail between his legs, humiliated. All other plans to attend events in Greenland over 3 days were cancelled because there was no interest LOL!

   JD Vance flew to Greenland to the U.S. military base. He spent just 3 hours there. Then flew home with his tail between his legs, humiliated. All other plans to attend events in Greenland over 3 days were cancel because there was no interest LOL!

   So, the CIA can hack into my TV and listen to every word I say, but McDonald’s can’t hear me say “no pickles,” through their drive-thru speaker?

   People in 1985: “In 40 years we will have flying cars and a cure for cancer. 40 years later: What’s the interest rate on this Crunchwrap Supreme?

   I never thought it’d be cheaper to paint avocados for Easter but here we are.

   The way Pop-Tart icing holds up in the toaster is both oddly fascinating and unsettling.

   I like to reassure my wife that even though I don’t have huge muscles she is always safe with me cause I’m a really loud screamer.

   Remember ladies, when the devil can’t reach you he sends you a broke man who is good in bed

   $16 jeans from Amazon: easier than doing laundry.

   I got kicked out of a wedding reception for playing with the action figures on top of the cake.

   You can now accurately weigh your luggage with a smartphone. Simply put your phone on a scale with your luggage, then deduct the weight of the phone.

   Shout out to the top 5 waters in the world: holy, tap, you can lead a horse to, baby with the bath and bridge over troubled.

   Oops! Mommy's little darling is up and at it. By up and at it, I mean doing daddy in the shower. His name is Barron.

   This week we learned that you can put your troops' lives in danger, compromise your national security, and violate the Espionage Act. And the government will do nothing. But write an editorial for your school newspaper he doesn't like - you disappear.

   M*G* ....... MAKE AM*RICA GO AWAY Going viral all around the world 👍

   M*G* MAKE *MERICA GO AWAY Going viral all around the Internet 👍

   Pete Hegseth's "five things I did this week" email is gonna be hilarious lol