Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I saw a charity appeal in the newspaper the other day, and it read “Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water”. And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

   It's a sad situation when a fat girl does her best to lose weight only to discover that even with her new slim body, she is still unable to attract boys.

   i spent $1 at the bar last night......156 times!!!!!!

   knows if you like drunk girls in high heels, you may also be attracted to newborn ponies

   its sad when fat girls lose weight only to discover they dont have a pretty face.

   Having lived and loved, I can tell you that life is the constant and love is the variable

   I'm not sure who the heck Martha Graham is, but damn she inspired a great Google Doodle today.........

   I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?

   You can't buy happiness but you can buy icecream which is kind of the same thing!

   was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

   sorry about thoes texts I sent last night, my phone was drunk.

   if a fly could stop all its nonesense I think it could produce honey

   The 3 C's of life…Choice, Chance, Change...Make the Choice to take the Chance if you want to Change.!!!

   I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!' I thought "That's just spam."

   With all the money used during war in afghanistan, the americans could have written f*ck off bin laden on the moon!

   When did advertising with tweakers and homeless people with signs become the norm?

   WARNING FOR ATTRACTIVE MEN: Aliens have come to Earth and are planning to abduct the smart and good-looking. But don't worry, I've alien-proofed my bedroom. You can be safe there...

   The only thing I know of that is beautiful & ugly at the same time is seeing one of my updates stolen. Oh, and Angelina Jolie taking a dump.

   God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fees.

   searching Netflix for a movie to watch and found one that's titled after what all the women of my past have said to me... "I Love You, Don't Touch Me!"