Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you're going down a slide, and your balls hit the side,,it's a Rapture!!

   Buying a ugly fat chick a purity ring is like putting a fence around a dog with no legs

   just made..... "I survived May 21st" \(^^,)/ T-Shirts... Who wants one?

   If you see Ghost Rider backwards is about a dead guy who after eating the soul of a demon and is punish becoming Nicolas Cage

   Harold Camping's response......appears to be nonexistent at the moment. Maybe he's in hiding, totally embarrassed by failure or he is at the bank counting his money.

   the next time I screw up bad I'll say "well at least I didnt predict the end of mankind and nothing happened"

   Sorry to all those that thought they were going to loot my stuff once the Apocalypse started last night..........Apparently I'm still needed here for something.

   Whenever I hear the phrase 'anything is possible', I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door ;)

   i decided to go to church for the first time ever this morning...just to laugh hysterically...yeah...i was quickly kicked out...

   My boloney has a first name its H.A.R.O.L.D...!!!

   Dyslexic man walks into a bra *Ba-Dum-Bum Tsss*

   Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on brah, La la how the life goes on

   I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived

   The awkward moment when you wake up and your house is gone

   thinking that Harold Camping's mathematical equation involved a Magic 8-ball.

   The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.

   oh crap..they didn't take me but they took the rum!

   Cheer up, Harold Camping. A volcano erupted in Iceland. That's something.

   I'm not saying the mainstream media is liberal, but I'm pretty sure I just saw NBC congratulate President Obama on defeating The Rapture.

   I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but I've survived Y2k, 9/11, Bird Flu, H1N1, 6-6-2006 and now the rapture/apocalypse. Bring on 2012, I'm a survivor baby!