Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.

   WARNING: Asking people about their weekend may result in them telling you about it.

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives.

   Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

   There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.

   I'm red all over. From my head tomatoes.

   POLLEN: Mother Natures hangover.

   a 1984 Buick Skylark with a 2.5 liter 4 cylinder that can go zero to sixty in 37.2 seconds. Top that.

   BBC News- "Mobiles 'may cause brain cancer'" download our iphone app for more on this story

   Did you hear about the new Emo/Action film? They just cut to the chase scene.

   pleasure and frustration, right as you're about to cum, they do a 10 second shot of the dude's face!

   BBQ rule: no drama goes on at my BBQ, if your'e in a fight with your mate don't come, if you just broke up and want to talk about it call a family member, BBQs are for FUN only

   It takes a big man to cry, it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man

   not a gynecologist but I can take a look at it

   Never tell anyone about your problems-90% don't care about them, 8% are glad you have them, and the remaining 2% will charge you 200$ or more an hour to listen to them"

   How do you pronounce "cicada"? What?!? WHAT?!? I can't hear you!

   For 30min. I watched the evening news, and in the entire 30min the only truths I could confirm, were in the commercials. :(

   that ackward moment when ur friend comes in the bathroom while ur sittin on the toliet

   I'm not a Quitter. I'm might not accomplish these things, but I'll never quit.

   I think the Death Penalty Should be something BAD ASS..