Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I̶'̶m̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶s̶t̶u̶p̶i̶d̶!̶ I'm not with stupid anymore

   How would you even go about putting 99 bottles of beer on the wall in the first place?

   Jesus is just a guy who mows my lawn

   young enough to still get into trouble but old enough to still know better.

   Guy: if I could change the alphabet, I would put you and I together. :) Girl: oh there's no need to do that, N and O are already together...

   In dog beer I've only had one

   i am in no shape to exercise

   thankfully I choose my alcholic powers for good instead of evil

   Just found out my birthsign is Pyrex, (just been told I was a testtube baby)

   FACT: A cat will blink when struck in the head with a hammer

   Rebecca Black's fame only lasted 2 Friday's

   Instead of cashiers saying "here's your receipt" they should say "will you throw this away for me?"

   if your complaining about new statuses, maybe you should do your part and contribute a witty status yourself!

   Can we please get some new ones instead of the constant repeats?

   Dear John Edwards, Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you!, Sincerely, Anthony Weiner

   Being dead inside is sad but being dead outside is way sadder.

   Tsunami works like this: If you don't go to beach, beach goes to you.

   a huge heart. Just haven't found a woman that can wrap her arms all the way around it yet.

   i guess if you got the last name weiner, you better advertise it!

   And remember kids it's very dangerous to drive with a flat. But that chipotle was well worth it :)