Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Weiner's wife is pregnant! Didn't know that was possible on twitter! From now on I'm wearin a condom when I tweet!

   The only thing that could make this Weiner story more perfect is if it turns out to be Arnold Schwarzenegger's baby....

   OMG!!! Anthony Weiner's wife is pregnant. Talk about a weiner working overtime....

   I think TN's temperature has finally reached Lava°F ...ugh! It's like breathing soup!

   "Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts." I love it!

   In theory, placing a 'Do not press button' sign on a button will arise obsessive temptation to press it. That said - nobody 'like' this post.

   Everyone thinks your crazy, until you say " I learned it Manswers "

   I saw LeBron james this afternoon and I asked him for a dollar. He only gave me 75 cents. I was a bit puzzled until I remembered LeBron never gives you the fourth quarter.

   Everyone was so quick to point out the obvious typo in my "Meating in the conference room" email.... until I pelted them with bologna.

   If you wake up with zits all over your face... you may be suffering from sleep acnea.

   When a guy says "forever" it means until the next girl he dates....

   Where there is a google, there is an answer!

   I would jump in front of train for you ♥ as long as its not moving :D

   Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them

   If the universe wanted me to be thin, food wouldn't taste so good

   You know.... I have gotten some really great bathroom decorating tips from Facebook.

   No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.

   I think Weiner's next press conference should be in a Brett Favre jersey....

   Best of luck to Ja Rule today as he enters Ja il.

   I bet it takes a female kangaroo forever to find anything in her pouch.