Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My father taught me a lot of things, however, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a great dad. A close second is how to have a conversation with someone for a half an hour even though you can't remember their name or anything else

   Daddy I may find my Prince but you wil always be my King....Happy fathers day!!!

   Sugar is sweet and so is honey, Beat ya meat and save ya money"!

   "I continue to heal from the damage I've caused..." -Weiner

   Love is much more interesting when you have a DIRTY mind.

   ME: "I wasn't that drunk!" MY FRIEND: “Dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single.”

   Agnostics are just athiests without balls......;)

   Just deleted all attractive people from his facebook friends list. Woah that feels better.

   Life is all about ideas and who has the better one..

   You know you're in trouble if your doctor smirks as you sign a contract.

   Fathers Day....the most confusing day in the hood!!!

   For all of you Dads out there who went out for milk, and actually came back home -- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY......

   If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.

   a member of a LYNCH CLUB. Kind of like a LYNCH MOB but we're not like them.

   I can never forgive John Madden for making Frank Caliendo's career possible.

   I need my own personal black guy to blame stuff on.

   Speaking of Fathers Day... The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."

   Everything is always funnier when you aren't allowed to laugh.

   Nowadays, Father's Day is a good day to thank Dad for not running away from home.

   Father's Day always worries me. I'm afraid I'll get a gift I can't afford.