Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That Awkward Moment when you realise the person you dating has always looked like that. You just never noticed cause you were whipped!

   Can you tell when your statuses are lame? Yes, But unlike parents of an ugly baby, I can disown my status.

   As a parent, can you really not tell if your baby is ugly?

   There's so many ways the world could end. Like maybe Dinosaurs come back from holiday & kill us all.

   The Pope has called life in Germany under the Nazi's a "dark time". Altar boys have called life in Germany UNDER Priests "hurty hurty time".

   Air Force - A pair of Nike shoes or, what Darth Vader calls his farts.

   I think you are funny. My girlfriend thinks you are hot, all of a sudden you not so funny anymore

   if only 3 people live in my house... why is there 7 toothbrushes?

   Once upon a time, GIRLS used to cook like their mothers,but now they drink like their Fathers...!!!

   Sunday is here again...time to put on our christianity hats and act all holly and mighty while we pretend to care about god and his 10 commandments.

   when you see her name on dialled , missed and receive calls , you know she is your girl friend

   if God created us in his image why the Hell don't we have powers?

   I put my WELCOME mat on the inside of my house so the world doesn't seem so scary when I leave.

   I remember when 69 was just a number..BJ's was just a store.. & doggy style was a way to swim.

   Life may not always give us chances, but it always gives us choices.

   Love me? Great. Hate me? Even better. Think I'm ugly? Don't look at me. Don't know me? Don't judge me. Think you know me? You have no idea

   Relationships are like sharing a book. It doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

   Ok... I was thinking My wife has 988 friends on FaceBook and knows 15 of them in person I have only 66 BUT I know ALL of them......???

   Found your nose again...it was in my business! Watched your wedding video backwards again...my favorite part it where he takes off the ring and leaves the church!

   I hate when I find parking space and there's already a motorcycle parked in it.