Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon still very much single! So is now taking applications if you think your suitable for the position apply here the pay is terrible but the benefits are great...
←Rate | 06-24-2011 16:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No Ma'am. I did NOT say your child is ugly. All I said was that I would fear for my life if he were ever to get wet… or eat after midnight. I'm sure you won't have to worry about pedophiles either.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Friday!! And to all my Atheist and Agnostic friends out there... T_IF!!
←Rate | 06-24-2011 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love means sharing your thoughts, your fears, your dreams, your hopes, your pin codes and passwords.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 13:44 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, just did my daily "walk of fame" where I go outside with my coffee and lie to squirrels about how I got laid last night.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 13:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I caught my girlfriend sliding down the hand rails of our stairs over and over... I asked her what she was doing, she said "I'm heating up your dinner!!!"
←Rate | 06-24-2011 13:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n' Roll. Speed, Weed, birth control. Peace, Pot, Tequila shot. Jesus loves us stoned or not.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 13:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish the best for my ex-girlfriend. I really do. I hope she meets someone honest, friendly, and kind. Cause, you know, opposites attract.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 13:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "WTF! You too? I thought I was the only one."
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tequlia DOES make her clothes fall off! Okay, she passed out and somehow they "fell" off, but still.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish computer commands worked in real life. You make a mistake with your girlfriend = Ctrl+z. Your girlfriend dumps you = Ctrl+Alt+Delete. Your girlfriend starts seeing your best friend = sledge hammer to screen.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression!!!
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I googled 'understading women'... LMAO was the result.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Plan A doesn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just finished watching that movie where Julia Roberts has a lot of teeth.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You want confessions? Lock a person in a room with a laptop, a Facebook account and a bottle of booze.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a thin line between spirituality and insanity.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy TGIF to all you hardworking homemakers...(hey, its cheaper than flowers)
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:34 by BGT Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not be able to walk straight, but I can drunk dial... Like a boss.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good girls go to heaven, but bad girls go everywhere
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:23 by Lozo Comments (0)  




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