Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A friend will calm you down when you are angry. A best friend will skip beside you with a bat singing, "Someones gonna get it"

   Even if Mexico wins, they still lose, because they have to go back to Mexico...

   Today I realised that I am spending too much time chatting... someone told me a really funny joke... and I almost said LOL instead of laughing!

   Press Like for Blackberry & Dislike for Iphone

   Go to google, type in "Who is the cutest" and click on "I m feeling lucky" :D

   The train of failure usually runs on the tracks of laziness.

   Happy Catfish Day!!!

   Just found out this Beanie Baby collection was not a great investment.

   Convincing a dog that I really threw the ball is the closest I'll ever get to being a magician.

   c'mon people, gays have a right to be as unhappy as the rest of us... incidentally NYs divorce rate is about to go up...

   Why don't people scream when they get stabbed in movies?

   We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.

   If you've never seen an elephant ski you've never been on acid..........

   For men who think.."A woman's place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that's where the knives are kept.

   This Tequila tastes like future bad decisions.

   And I was like "No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."

   A rice cake is a good way to tell your taste buds to go to hell.

   Chicken Pot Pie my 3 favorite things!

   If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

   Just filled up my gas tank and now I have to explain to the kids I don't have why there won't be a Christmas this year.