Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People have champagne taste with a beer budget in a materialistic world...

   If I started feeding our pig sugar now. Would I have to make the glaze later or would it come built in?

   Typical Saturday Morning: Who's bed is this and where are my pants?

   in the worst pain I've ever been in!! Hit a dry spot on a Slip n' Slide.

   Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of a vending machine at once

   A friend will calm you down when you are angry. A best friend will skip beside you with a bat singing, "Someones gonna get it"

   Even if Mexico wins, they still lose, because they have to go back to Mexico...

   Today I realised that I am spending too much time chatting... someone told me a really funny joke... and I almost said LOL instead of laughing!

   Press Like for Blackberry & Dislike for Iphone

   Go to google, type in "Who is the cutest" and click on "I m feeling lucky" :D

   The train of failure usually runs on the tracks of laziness.

   Happy Catfish Day!!!

   Just found out this Beanie Baby collection was not a great investment.

   Convincing a dog that I really threw the ball is the closest I'll ever get to being a magician.

   c'mon people, gays have a right to be as unhappy as the rest of us... incidentally NYs divorce rate is about to go up...

   Why don't people scream when they get stabbed in movies?

   We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.

   If you've never seen an elephant ski you've never been on acid..........

   For men who think.."A woman's place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that's where the knives are kept.

   This Tequila tastes like future bad decisions.