Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4789 of 6446

You may be an open book but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner macanations of my mind are an enigma
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07-06-2011 13:34 by jdirt
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If you cant dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bull$hit. -Abraham Lincoln
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07-06-2011 13:33 by jdirt
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I don't get the toilet seat issue that woman have. I won't put my naked butt on anything without looking at it first. Apparently some woman ar not so discriminating
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07-06-2011 13:30 by jdirt
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Damn white cars that look like cop cars! I just chugged my beer super fast for nothing
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07-06-2011 13:29 by jdirt
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Doing the old....how many woman have I slept with count....God I hate fractions
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07-06-2011 13:29 by jdirt
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The new ending to Harry Potter is lame. He says Abra Cadabra and Steve Miller reaches out and grabs Voldemort.
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07-06-2011 13:29 by flinnie
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Florida, you just want attention don't you? Casey Anthony, Tim Tebow, the election of 2000. Its always about you, isn't it?
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07-06-2011 13:26 by flinnie
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Always be positive! For example: I am positive that I hate Casey Anthony.
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07-06-2011 13:25
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I like to relive my single days when my wife gets home late by eating dinner standing over the sink.
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07-06-2011 13:25 by flinnie
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A fool is a wise man's ladder.
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07-06-2011 13:25
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If you don't define yourself for yourself, you will be crunched into other people's fantasies and abused till kingdom come.
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07-06-2011 13:22
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Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie
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07-06-2011 13:21 by flinnie
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Excuse me Casey Anthony, but OJ had the best murder trial of all time!!! - Kanye West
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07-06-2011 12:56
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Next up on espn , womans soc... click.
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07-06-2011 12:43 by Dopey420
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Whoever wants to kill Casey Anthony, should probably do so in Florida.

Not So Good Pick-up Line #7: Girl, your dad must be a lobster… because all your meat is in the tail!

I think I had too much to drink last night because I left the door open the whole time I was peeing. That might not sound bad, but when you're driving 65 mph, it can cause all kinds of problems.

America has Talent..but a little weak on the selection process for Jurors in Florida
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07-06-2011 12:09
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Casey Anthony tried to celebrate her acquittal last night at Chili's but waiters kept walking by singing, "I want my babyback babyback babyback... I want my babyback babyback babyback..."

I guess what I'm proudest of is my ability to make the tough choices in hypothetical situations.