Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You may be an open book but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner macanations of my mind are an enigma
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:34 by jdirt Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you cant dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bull$hit. -Abraham Lincoln
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:33 by jdirt Comments (2)  


   messageicon I don't get the toilet seat issue that woman have. I won't put my naked butt on anything without looking at it first. Apparently some woman ar not so discriminating
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:30 by jdirt Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn white cars that look like cop cars! I just chugged my beer super fast for nothing
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:29 by jdirt Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doing the old....how many woman have I slept with count....God I hate fractions
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:29 by jdirt Comments (0)  


   messageicon The new ending to Harry Potter is lame. He says Abra Cadabra and Steve Miller reaches out and grabs Voldemort.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Florida, you just want attention don't you? Casey Anthony, Tim Tebow, the election of 2000. Its always about you, isn't it?
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always be positive! For example: I am positive that I hate Casey Anthony.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to relive my single days when my wife gets home late by eating dinner standing over the sink.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fool is a wise man's ladder.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't define yourself for yourself, you will be crunched into other people's fantasies and abused till kingdom come.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Excuse me Casey Anthony, but OJ had the best murder trial of all time!!! - Kanye West
←Rate | 07-06-2011 12:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next up on espn , womans soc... click.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 12:43 by Dopey420 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever wants to kill Casey Anthony, should probably do so in Florida.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 12:27 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not So Good Pick-up Line #7: Girl, your dad must be a lobster… because all your meat is in the tail!
←Rate | 07-06-2011 12:17 by @williamhale1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I had too much to drink last night because I left the door open the whole time I was peeing. That might not sound bad, but when you're driving 65 mph, it can cause all kinds of problems.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 12:17 by @williamhale1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon America has Talent..but a little weak on the selection process for Jurors in Florida
←Rate | 07-06-2011 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Casey Anthony tried to celebrate her acquittal last night at Chili's but waiters kept walking by singing, "I want my babyback babyback babyback... I want my babyback babyback babyback..."
←Rate | 07-06-2011 11:54 by @williamhale1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess what I'm proudest of is my ability to make the tough choices in hypothetical situations.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 11:32 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  




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