Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "It's complicated" just means one person is all for it and the other person is riding the line.

   Unless you're in a resturant and you know the person has already eaten it's not a good thing to see someone walk out a restroom useing a toothpick.

   Ok... I've just discovered the worst part about being single... I can never find a damned thing!!

   Deja moo: the feeling you've heard this bull$hit before.

   I like my women the way I like my coffee. Yup, I like blonde slutty coffee with low self esteem.

   I do not like them in my inbox. I do not like them from a blond fox. I do not like your webcam spam. I do not like them, Scam I Am.

   I once went to a diner and ordered a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich to see which would come first.

   Went to a Real life party and I knew everybody there. Went to a Facebook party and saw most of my friends. Went to a Twitter party and didn't know anybody there. Went to a Myspace party and I was the only one there.

   Somebody should invent a breathalyzer you can hook to your computer to prevent people from facebooking while intoxicated...

   Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

   Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

   My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

   the difference between your mind and heart; your mind tells you what the smart thing is to do.. and your heart tells you what you're gonna do anyway.

   the rejection you feel when the automatic doors dont open for you..

   a black guy in a horror movie has a better chance to survive than a white girl in aruba

   ghetto word of the day: Israel "homie that watch is fake, nah man it this watch Israel"

   My “Sleep Number” is pretty much 24/7.

   Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. George Carlin

   The only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.

   Abercrombie and Fitch telling the Jersey Shore Cast that wearing their brand makes the brand look scuzzy is a lot like Lindsay Lohan telling Paris Hilton that her partying antics make talentless famous starlets look like trash.